Stratafied
Dr. Stratster
Having some things in common helps quite a bit. After you get married, keep your friends and some of your time with them, and she should do the same thing, don’t overly rely on each other !
Older, happily (or unhappily) married people, what advice do you have for 26 year old me?
- Thread starter bah humbuck
- Start date
Stratafied
Dr. Stratster
If she listens to Cardi B , I’d run !!!
rolandson
Dr. Stratster
Things do not matter. Rings and big weddings and stuff are not the foundation of a stable relationship, or life.
Trust and honesty are the fundamental elements of that foundation.
Building a life together means many things. Control is not one of them.
What you are is not nearly as important as who you are. What you do is nothing compared to how you do what you do.
Medicare totally sucks.
Trust and honesty are the fundamental elements of that foundation.
Building a life together means many things. Control is not one of them.
What you are is not nearly as important as who you are. What you do is nothing compared to how you do what you do.
Medicare totally sucks.
I said the same thing but you worked it much more eloquently.
People and circumstances change over time. You cannot predict with any certainty what awaits you.
abnormaltoy
Mouth draggin' knuckle breather
There is an f-bomb in this video, but despite what you might think about the messenger, this is a good solid message.
A couple of my own rules, when the inevitable differences arise, forgive completely. If you harbor any resentment, you didn't forgive. You can't partially forgive any more than you can be mostly pregnant.
Unless I'm laying on the floor bleeding out, my needs are generally the least important to me.
A couple of my own rules, when the inevitable differences arise, forgive completely. If you harbor any resentment, you didn't forgive. You can't partially forgive any more than you can be mostly pregnant.
Unless I'm laying on the floor bleeding out, my needs are generally the least important to me.
Impulsive guppy
Senior Stratmaster
Be responsible for your own happiness. Marriage isn't really about happy, it's more.
Be kind.
Communicate.
Listen.
Let the little stuff go.
Communicate.
Listen.
Let the little stuff go.
HazyPurple
You've gotta get up!, to get down!
Buy that/them dream CS guitar(s) and boutique amp(s) you've always wanted before you buy the ring.
All your spare cash will be spent on the house once you slip that ring on the beautiful ladies finger.
Congratulations and good luck!
All your spare cash will be spent on the house once you slip that ring on the beautiful ladies finger.
Congratulations and good luck!
Learn to bite your tongue and smile. Don't sweat the small stuff, and 99% of it is small stuff. Treat her how you want to be treated. Listen when she talks. Don't ever be an A hole.
If you're not ready to be with one woman for the rest of your life, don't get married. Being married isn't instant bliss and happiness, but it can be awesome. It's what you make it.
Edit: I forgot to mention. They remember everything, forever. Be aware of that.
If you're not ready to be with one woman for the rest of your life, don't get married. Being married isn't instant bliss and happiness, but it can be awesome. It's what you make it.
Edit: I forgot to mention. They remember everything, forever. Be aware of that.
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Mind Flayer
Strat-O-Master
Pick your battles.
StratUp
Dr. Stratster
Remember that happiness doesn't come from a relationship. It comes from drugs, alcohol, and guitars.
No sex?
StratUp
Dr. Stratster
That's under the relationship heading. Evaluate as you see fit.
Be scrupulously honest about who you are and be aware of who you are. And decide how much of who you are is negotiable.
In my 20's and mid-30's, I spent 13 years with a woman I should not have spent 13 minutes with.
She was attracted to me because I was a romantic starving writer. I warned her on an early date that I might live my whole life and never make more than $18,000 a year. She thought my dedication to what I believed was my life's work was inspiring.
But, then, little by little, day by day, she slowly and inexorably worked to turn me into someone else. What I wanted, and more importantly, what I needed, meant nothing. Since I had very little self-esteem, I followed the path of least resistance and tried to become the man she wanted me to be.
And I did. I abandoned the thing that gave my life purpose and started chasing what she wanted. Money. I became a different man.
The problem was, in the end, I hated THAT guy's guts.
Now, with that miserable, cold woman a distant, and unpleasant memory, I have spent the last 20 years with a woman who actually wants me to be happy. And I want her to be happy.
So, be honest. Be realistic. Know that at 59, you'll likely look back on who you were at 29 and come to the conclusion that you were an idiot. In one way or another. No offense. It happens to most people who are self-aware, and who are paying attention the whole time.
Don't be selfish. But don't be a door mat.
Equal is important. The problem is, no one seems to be able to figure out what "equal" means. So, work on that.
And, whatever you do, for all that you find holy, under no circumstances share bank accounts or credit cards.
This is 2023, not 1953. There is YOUR money, HER money, and the SHARED money for shared needs.
If I want another guitar, and the mortgage is paid, I buy the guitar. There is not a vote on it. And I don't have a clue what is in her bank account, or what she spends her money on if she doesn't tell me. It's none of my business. The bills are paid first, anything else is the sole property of whoever worked the jobs to earn it. She owns some real estate. My name isn't on it. I own some real estate. Her name isn't on it. We are both totally cool with that.
If the sex is bad, it will eventually poison the love. Trust me on that one.
Jealously is wasted energy, and as one of my favorite writers once put it "Jealously is not a part of my agreement with any woman."
But, that same writer also once wrote, "Everything in this book...may be wrong."
So, good luck figuring out your reality. I hope it works out for you.
In my 20's and mid-30's, I spent 13 years with a woman I should not have spent 13 minutes with.
She was attracted to me because I was a romantic starving writer. I warned her on an early date that I might live my whole life and never make more than $18,000 a year. She thought my dedication to what I believed was my life's work was inspiring.
But, then, little by little, day by day, she slowly and inexorably worked to turn me into someone else. What I wanted, and more importantly, what I needed, meant nothing. Since I had very little self-esteem, I followed the path of least resistance and tried to become the man she wanted me to be.
And I did. I abandoned the thing that gave my life purpose and started chasing what she wanted. Money. I became a different man.
The problem was, in the end, I hated THAT guy's guts.
Now, with that miserable, cold woman a distant, and unpleasant memory, I have spent the last 20 years with a woman who actually wants me to be happy. And I want her to be happy.
So, be honest. Be realistic. Know that at 59, you'll likely look back on who you were at 29 and come to the conclusion that you were an idiot. In one way or another. No offense. It happens to most people who are self-aware, and who are paying attention the whole time.
Don't be selfish. But don't be a door mat.
Equal is important. The problem is, no one seems to be able to figure out what "equal" means. So, work on that.
And, whatever you do, for all that you find holy, under no circumstances share bank accounts or credit cards.
This is 2023, not 1953. There is YOUR money, HER money, and the SHARED money for shared needs.
If I want another guitar, and the mortgage is paid, I buy the guitar. There is not a vote on it. And I don't have a clue what is in her bank account, or what she spends her money on if she doesn't tell me. It's none of my business. The bills are paid first, anything else is the sole property of whoever worked the jobs to earn it. She owns some real estate. My name isn't on it. I own some real estate. Her name isn't on it. We are both totally cool with that.
If the sex is bad, it will eventually poison the love. Trust me on that one.
Jealously is wasted energy, and as one of my favorite writers once put it "Jealously is not a part of my agreement with any woman."
But, that same writer also once wrote, "Everything in this book...may be wrong."
So, good luck figuring out your reality. I hope it works out for you.
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rolandson
Dr. Stratster
This.
It is a sign of respect.
And respecting one another is the first element of that foundation I mentioned.
here it's also, allegedly, 2023, but my wife hasn't worked a day in her life and all my money belongs to her.seriously, though, i'm so happy we did it this way. the kids (8 and 15) are so much better off for it than their peers - mentally, emotionally and intellectually. i credit them having a full-time mom for it. and not having a TV.
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Pretty much all great advice so far, IMHO. So to avoid saying the same thing over, I'll throw in 2 cents worth of pragmatism: find a way to afford a house cleaner to come in at least every couple of weeks. The less often someone has to clean a toilet, mop a floor, etc, the happier you both will be, trust me. I guess it's just a variation on the "happy wife, happy life" adage...
It's part of the formula that's worked for us for about 18 years now...here's a little then & now shot...
It's part of the formula that's worked for us for about 18 years now...here's a little then & now shot...
Stratafied
Dr. Stratster
Yikes !
