- Oct 29, 2019
Having some things in common helps quite a bit. After you get married, keep your friends and some of your time with them, and she should do the same thing, don’t overly rely on each other !
If she listens to Cardi B , I’d run !!!Put your wife above your job, and Let her be who she wants to be.
I said the same thing but you worked it much more eloquently.You gotta be 100% all in all the times. Because there are times your 100% will be 10% and you’ll need to be carried. And there are times you’ll carry your spouse.
No sex?Remember that happiness doesn't come from a relationship. It comes from drugs, alcohol, and guitars.
That's under the relationship heading. Evaluate as you see fit.No sex?
This.Lift the toilet seat when you use it and put it back down when you are done .
here it's also, allegedly, 2023, but my wife hasn't worked a day in her life and all my money belongs to her.This is 2023, not 1953. There is YOUR money, HER money, and the SHARED money for shared needs.
Yikes !Be scrupulously honest about who you are and be aware of who you are. And decide how much of who you are is negotiable.
In my 20's and mid-30's, I spent 13 years with a woman I should not have spent 13 minutes with.
She was attracted to me because I was a romantic starving writer. I warned her on an early date that I might live my whole life and never make more than $18,000 a year. She thought my dedication to what I believed was my life's work was inspiring.
But, then, little by little, day by day, she slowly and inexorably worked to turn me into someone else. What I wanted, and more importantly, what I needed, meant nothing. Since I had very little self-esteem, I followed the path of least resistance and tried to become the man she wanted me to be.
And I did. I abandoned the thing that gave my life purpose and started chasing what she wanted. Money. I became a different man.
The problem was, in the end, I hated THAT guy's guts.
Now, with that miserable, cold woman a distant, and unpleasant memory, I have spent the last 20 years with a woman who actually wants me to be happy. And I want her to be happy.
So, be honest. Be realistic. Know that at 59, you'll likely look back on who you were at 29 and come to the conclusion that you were an idiot. In one way or another. No offense. It happens to most people who are self-aware, and who are paying attention the whole time.
Don't be selfish. But don't be a door mat.
Equal is important. The problem is, no one seems to be able to figure out what "equal" means. So, work on that.
And, whatever you do, for all that you find holy, under no circumstances share bank accounts or credit cards.
This is 2023, not 1953. There is YOUR money, HER money, and the SHARED money for shared needs.
If I want another guitar, and the mortgage is paid, I buy the guitar. There is not a vote on it. And I don't have a clue what is in her bank account, or what she spends her money on if she doesn't tell me. It's none of my business. The bills are paid first, anything else is the sole property of whoever worked the jobs to earn it. She owns some real estate. My name isn't on it. I own some real estate. Her name isn't on it. We are both totally cool with that.
If the sex is bad, it will eventually poison the love. Trust me on that one.
Jealously, is wasted energy, and as one of my favorite writers once put it "Jealously is not a part of my agreement with any woman."
But, that same writer also once wrote, "Everything in this book...may be wrong."
So, good luck figuring out your reality. I hope it works out for you.